Hannah Alone
by FictionalCharacter
Summary: Hannah Abbott's first year in Hogwarts is awkward.
1. Chapter 1

Hannah was alone, again.  
>Of course, she was being silly really. The common room was packed. Some were sprawled across armchairs as they did homework. Others were busy procrastinating in the form of hanging around chatting. Over in the corner, a group of first year boys were laughing and shouting as they fired gold sparks at each other. They had been like her, just a week ago. Awkward and anxious as they waited to be sorted. Then sitting timidly with the rest of the Hufflepuffs. Hannah had been excited about Hogwarts. She had been planning on fitting in for once.<br>But no; Hogwarts may be magic, but Hannah was awkward.

She pulled up her socks. She smoothed her hair, inspected her finger nails and counted the number of bricks on the wall opposite her; twice. The fire crackled and the rain hammered against the glass, and before long people began to leave. As two first year girls wandered past, deep in conversation, Hannah stood to follow them. She had not had Herbology yet, and wasn't quite sure where it was.

Perhaps her mother was right; she should listen more. Maybe then she would have realised they would be outside, and have thought to bring a cloak. As the only one who hadn't, Hannah felt ridiculous. And wet. The rain cascaded from the sky, mocking her.

The shelter of the greenhouses couldn't come soon enough. Madam Sprout sighed as her bedraggled pigtails dripped water onto the floor.  
>'Come along now, Hannah' She called. 'Find yourself a pair of gloves and partner up.'<br>Fabulous, this wouldn't be humiliating at all…  
>Hannah groaned inwardly and looked around. There were pairs, everywhere.<p>

'Here, I got you some.' A tall boy tapped her on the shoulder, holding out a pair of gloves.  
>Hannah blinked<br>'Are you alright?' He inquired  
>She nodded hastily. 'Sure, um, thanks'<br>He nodded in acknowledgement  
>'Hey, um...' She began, realising her chance. 'Do you have a partner, or…?' She trailed off, blushing.<br>'Indeed I do. You are my partner.'  
>She blinked again. 'Oh… well, okay'<br>'You can get the compost.' He instructed  
>'Kay' she nodded, trying to disguise her relief.<p>

They worked companionable quiet for a while, occasionally discussing the strange puffapods they were replanting. Hannah found herself relaxing, for the first time in a while.  
>'You're funny.' He commented<br>'I am?' She beamed at his praise  
>'Yes. You're stupid comments amuse me.'<br>'Oh.' Her face fell, and she turned to stare hard at her puffapod. Her hands shook slightly.  
>'That's okay, though. I don't mind that.'<br>'You... you don't?'  
>'No. I mean, you're a little annoying, but I'm quite patient.'<br>'Right' Hannah gritted her teeth together  
>'And you're doing that wrong' He noted<br>'Mhm' She mumbled dully.


	2. Chapter 2

'Wow, Hermione's so clever' Sighed Susan Bones wistfully, her eyes on the hovering feather at the front desk.  
>'She is' Hannah agreed 'Mine won't even move!' She snorted, causing her feather to glide along the desk. Admittedly, she was truly terrible at Charms. But she was happy.<br>Susan laughed, watching the feather as it slowed to a halt, narrowly avoiding dropping off the edge of the desk. Susan was now extremely friendly towards Hannah. As was Justin Finch-Fletchley and Zacharias Smith. She had Ernie to thank for that.  
>He had taken to an almost fatherly role. He had been sure to introduce her to all his friends. This seemed to include the whole of the Hufflepuff first years… And several older students too. Also, despite having only been at Hogwarts for the same amount of time as Hannah, he liked to escort her to her classes. And supervise her at dinner. And ensure she was in bed by a reasonable time, "otherwise HOW do you expect to concentrate in class?"…<br>There was a resounding bang, as Neville Longbottom's feather exploded. Susan squealed and clapped her hands over her ears.

Even the less enjoyable lessons were more bearable with friends. Hannah and her fellow Hufflepuffs exchanged notes whilst Professor Binns droned on.

'I really do hate potions' Moaned Susan  
>'me too, Susie. Maybe if we're nice, Professor Snape will feel like letting us off homework?' Hannah suggested jokingly<br>Susan giggled. 'You really are clueless, Han' She teased  
>Hannah laughed, but Ernie didn't.<br>'Susan? I don't think that was very nice' He raised his eyebrows reprovingly  
>Susan looked at him. 'Sorry? It was a joke.'<br>'Well it wasn't very funny. Hannah is not clueless.'  
>There was an awkward pause.<br>'It's fine Ern, really. She didn't mean it.' Hannah began tentatively  
>'Shush, Hannah, I'm dealing with this' He told her pompously<br>'Oh for god's sake...' Susan muttered  
>'Y'know, Ernie, you've called me clueless before, I'm sure. And stupid... and…' She trailed off at Ernie's expression. 'But it's okay, it's all probably true anyway! I don't mind!' She assured him brightly, her voice rising in pitch.<br>Ernie glared at her. 'If you think I'm so horrible to you, then-'  
>'No, of course not Ernie!' She squeaked.<br>'Yes you do.' He argued huffily. 'Well, that's fine' He turned and stormed back down the corridor.

Realising he still had potions; he stopped, and with all the dignity he could muster marched back the other way. Straight past Hannah.

'I'm sorry' Hannah whispered after him. 


	3. Chapter 3

'He's being a drama queen' Susan assured her. 'You did nothing wrong!'  
>'Yeah, ignore it Han' Advised Justin<br>Hannah knew that they were probably right… but she felt painfully guilty none the less

But it wasn't just that he was everywhere she looked. Or that, with the exception of Susan, and possibly Justin, Ernie could turn her whole house against her… and judging by the dirty looks Megan and Leanne were giving her in transfiguration, he was. Hannah wasn't quite sure why she had difficulty swallowing at dinner. Why her stomach churned into the night, keeping her awake. Well that wasn't true. She knew exactly why. But it was, as she knew, tragically and ludicrously irrational.

All of that seemed forgotten at breakfast the next morning.  
>'Morning, Hannah!' Ernie called brightly<br>'I... Hi, Ernie!' She was both relieved and taken aback by his good mood  
>'And how are you, today?'<br>'I'm… good, thank you. You?'  
>'Excellent! Cedric said he'd let me help him with his Quidditch training! You can come and watch, if you'd like! Do you know much about Quidditch? The Caerphilly Catapults are the best, of course. I...' He rambled on about his Quidditch expertise for some time.<p>

Ernie's idea of "watching Quidditch" turned out to involve more "watching Ernie show off"  
>After two and a half hours of 'Hey, Ced!' 'Over here, Ced!' 'Nice one, Ced!' whilst he hovered inches from the ground on his borrowed Shooting Star, Hannah could take no more. Pointing in the direction of the changing rooms to Ernie, she made her way back inside.<br>'Hey, where are you going?' She turned to find him jogging across the pitch towards her  
>'Back to the castle'<br>'Why?' He demanded, wearing an outraged expression  
>'Uh... headache' It wasn't a total lie<br>'Huh' He said, still looking most put-out. 'Can't you stay here? Or at least wait in the changing rooms'  
>'Oh… okay, I'll see you after.' She mumbled.<p>

'Hello Hannah' piped up a small voice from the corner. 'It is Hannah, isn't it?' He added anxiously.  
>'Yes, that's right. Hello Neville, how are you after Charms?'<br>'I singed my eyebrows a bit, but it's okay. Madam Pomfrey says I'm lucky to have any eyebrows left at all!'  
>Hannah laughed. 'Aaw, I'm sure they'll grow back'<br>'I wish I was clever like you' Neville blurted out.  
>Under stunned Hannah's look, Neville blushed and clapped his hand to his mouth. 'Do you?' She asked, astonished.<br>'Yes, I mean, of course I do. I'm awful at Charms. I'm awful at everything really…' He admitted glumly  
>'Me too'<br>They looked at each other, and smiled. Neither were sure quite how long for.  
>'There you are, Hannah!' Ernie stood in the doorway importantly, deliberately blanking Neville. 'Come on, we're leaving'<br>Hannah threw Neville an apologetic smile, before allowing herself to be steamrollered out of the room by Ernie.


	4. Chapter 4

Fourth Year

Hannah groaned as her poster clattered to the floor yet again. She would pick it up later. Of course, a sticking charm would be the obvious option, but Hannah was afraid of blasting a hole through the dormitory wall. So, she was stuck with muggle blu-tack. It was probably the weight of the poster in comparison to the strength of the blu-tack that prevented the poster from sticking, or the uneven surface of the wall. But it felt as if the Caerphilly Catapults Quidditch Team poster- a present from Ernie- just didn't want to stick on Hannah's wall. Although she would never admit it, for fear of Ernie's reaction, Hannah preferred the Holyhead Harpies.  
>She turned to the window, and stared dully at the falling snow. She was a mature third year now. Perhaps that was why she didn't feel the unexplainable buzz of excitement that was traditional at Christmas. Here it was, Christmas Eve, and Hannah was stressing.<br>The Yule ball would take place the following evening. Hannah would be accompanying Ernie. A lot could change in four years; that Harry Potter boy demonstrated this well. But Hannah was still awkward, and Ernie was still Ernie.

As she went to retrieve the battered looking poster from the floor, Hannah rose on her tiptoes, and gave a small twirl; before promptly losing her balance, tangling her feet and grabbing onto the post of her bed for support. Ernie was right, she _was _a terrible dancer. And she'd promised him she would have improved by the ball, so she didn't embarrass him like she had when they'd practised in transfiguration.

Ernie appeared to invite Hannah more as a last resort than anything else. According to Justin, he had been planning on asking Susan. This upset Hannah more than she could explain. Once it had become common knowledge that Seamus Finnigan was pairing with Susan, only then did Ernie approach Hannah, with a 'So I suppose you'll be going with me, then.'  
>'Okay' Hannah had agreed her voice falsely cheerful. She wanted to go with Ernie. But she wanted Ernie to <em>want<em> to go with her. She wanted Ernie to like her, not criticize her. She wanted to be a person, not a possession. Her mother always told her not to be greedy.


	5. Chapter 5

Her hair was just not right. She had been aiming for sophisticated curls. Ernie liked curls- he often commented on how dull her straight-ish, blonde-ish hair was. _Now _she didn't look dull. Although, she thought, critically examining her corkscrew curls, protruding for her head at a nearly ninety degree angle. She was dressed in a deep purple, adorned with various glittery decorations like a Christmas tree.  
>'Ooh, Han, you look beautiful!' Susan gushed, bursting through the door in a dress of scarlet silk. Hannah tried not to focus on her hair, flowing neatly in copper ringlets; it made her chest hurt.<br>'Thanks, you too' her smile looked more like a grimace. Susan could say what she liked; Hannah felt ridiculous.

The overpowering smell of a hundred different perfumes wafted from the great hall. Before she had even reached the entrance hall, her throat felt tight. She hung back, shivering slightly whilst her fellow Hufflepuffs chattered excitedly.  
>There only one person who seemed as hesitant.<br>'Hello, Neville, how are you?' For the first time that day, Hannah's face relaxed into a smile.  
>'Okay, I guess. What about you? You look very pretty.' He added politely<br>She grinned. 'It's okay, I know I look awful. I just want to get this over with'  
>'No, really, Han' He insisted. 'You look... really… I can't think of the word. But it's a good one' His forehead crinkled in frustration.<br>'Haha, well thank you.'  
>Ginny Weasley appeared at the top of the stairs. 'Wow, Uh, I'd better go!' He squeaked. 'See you, Hannah!'<br>'Oh…okay. See you, Neville…'

Ernie was with Seamus and Justin when Hannah found him.  
>'Hi' she mouthed over the music, flattening her hair down self consciously.<br>He held up his index finger. 'One minute, Hannah- Yes, that was a great save! They're lucky the keeper…' His voice was raised above the music to a level where he was almost shouting.  
>Hannah shuffled her feet and looked down.<br>'…Really excellent- What?' He asked irritably, noticing her expression.  
>'Nothing' She mumbled<br>He sighed. 'I have to go, I'll talk to you later' with that his hand closed firmly around Hannah's wrist and dragged her to an empty table.  
>'Go and get two Butterbeers?' He told her<br>She didn't want to say anything to him. Standing robotically, she pinched her fingers together and blinked hard. She wanted to slip something in his drink, she wished she'd never met him, wished she didn't care…

When she returned, her face was arranged in what she hoped was an attractively aloof expression. She slammed both drinks onto the table, tipping some onto her herself.  
>'Idiot' Ernie snorted. He seemed in a better mood, at least. 'Here' He held out a napkin.<br>Hannah didn't move.  
>'What?' He asked, in a tone of innocent surprise<br>'Nothing' She muttered through clenched teeth  
>'Look quite pretty tonight' He said softly<br>In her astonishment, she lost her attractively aloof expression. 'Really?'  
>He nodded.<br>'I mean, your hair could be better…' He began  
>Hannah rolled her eyes.<p>

She managed to enjoy herself-slightly-when they were joined by Seamus and Susan. Ernie even complimented her dress. Perhaps he was more civil around others._ I won't do what he says_, Hannah promised herself. As though picking loopholes in her resolution, her hand stretched out to take Ernie's glass, the moment it was empty.  
>'I'll just take these back'<br>He nodded. 'Okay'  
>She can't have been gone for more than a minute. Nonetheless, she turned around to find a dejected Seamus sat along at their table, whilst Susan and Ernie twirled on the dance floor.<br>_  
><em>'So you went with Seamus? Neville had asked her, sitting in the entrance hall afterwards. 'I thought it was you and Ernie Macmillan.'  
>'I… did. I came with Ernie. Me and Seamus just kind of… ended up together.' She trailed off wearily.<br>'Oh, okay' He grinned. 'Seamus is nice'  
>'No, Neville, it's not like that…'<br>'But… Seamus is nice!' He insisted.  
>'I know' Hannah sighed. 'Nice.' <p>


	6. Chapter 6

Fifth Year

Hannah paused, her hand outstretched, hovering tentatively before the slightly decaying wood of the Hog's Head door. The polished metal of her badge gleamed mockingly; her parents had been so proud when Hannah had been made a prefect. Now would was she going to do? What would happen? She had always been the good-girl that was simple enough. Perhaps a little careless on occasion but that couldn't be helped. The problem was, since all the changes, Hannah wasn't sure what good _was_, anymore. Everyone was telling her to think different things. Still, what had happened to poor Cedric couldn't be denied. Despite deciding that the teachers probably knew best, no one could assure her that there was no risk. And the thought of You Know Who often left her wide awake and shaking, late at night.  
>It was with fierce determination that Hannah threw open the door.<br>'Hannah, watch out, you hit me!' Ernie appeared behind her, clutching his hand indignantly.  
>Hannah visibly deflated. 'Oops, I'm sorry. Are you okay?'<br>'No. As a matter of fact I am not.' And with that he strode past her into the pub, slamming the door behind him .  
>Ernie had a point, thought Hannah miserably; that door was heavy. She removed her fingers from the gap between the door and its frame listlessly. It did quite hurt, but Hannah didn't much care.<p>

'Hi, Han! Wow, what's up with your hand?' His eyebrows raised in concern.  
>'Door' She said feebly. 'It's fine' She wandered into the pub.<br>'Are you.. and you sure?' Neville persisted uncertainly, trailing after Hannah amongst the crowds of students.

'Hannah, sit by here!' Ernie indicated a spare stool next to him, all tension seemingly forgotten.  
>She sank gratefully into the seat, shaking slightly. She wasn't quite sure why.<br>'Hey, um, Neville?' Hannah looked up for Neville, to find him traipsing dejectedly away to stand with Dean Thomas. Hannah clenched her hands in her lap, the rush of guilt making her feel slightly dizzy.  
>The pub was very crowded by now, the last few students were closing the door behind them and joining the crowd of others.<br>'Be quiet!' Ernie hushed Hannah.  
>'Okay' She whispered obediently as Hermione began to speak. She wasn't aware that she'd been talking, but that didn't seem to matter.<p> 


End file.
